Brittany Rebecca Helton

Support Groups

It can be so powerful to connect with other survivors. And such a relief to be able to talk openly about suicide with people who really understand.

For so many survivors, a crucial part of their healing process is the support and sense of connection they feel through sharing their grief with other survivors. The most common way this sharing occurs is through survivor support groups. These groups provide a safe place where survivors can share their experiences and support each other.

It is natural to feel a bit unsure about going to your first support group meeting. In No Time to Say Goodbye (see Bibliography), one facilitator explains what you can expect:

“We sit in a circle, with each person giving a brief introduction: first name, who was lost, when it was, and how it happened. I then ask the people who are attending for the first time to begin, because they usually have an urgent need to talk. The rest of the group reaches out to them by describing their own experiences and how they are feeling. The new people realize they are not alone with their nightmare. By comparing their situations with others, they also begin to understand that they don’t have a monopoly on pain.”

Some survivors attend a support group almost immediately, some wait for years; others attend for a year or two and then go only occasionally — on anniversaries, holidays, or particularly difficult days. You may find that it takes a few meetings before you begin to feel comfortable. Or, you may find that the group setting isn’t quite right for you, but can still be a useful way to meet one or two fellow survivors who become new, lifelong friends based on the common bond of understanding the pain and tragedy of suicide loss..

Excerpt from AFSP: Support Groups.

Coping with Suicide Loss

“One learns to live with the loss, the tragedy, the waste, and the gaping hole in the fabric of one’s life. There is no closure, nor would I want one. I want to remember him all my life, vividly: his laughter, the smell of his sneakers under his bed, his moments of joy, his humility, and his integrity.”

If you have lost someone to suicide, the first thing you should know is that you are not alone. Each year over 33,000 people in the United States die by suicide — the devastated family and friends they leave behind are known as “survivors.” There are millions of survivors who, like you, are trying to cope with this heartbreaking loss.

Survivors often experience a wide range of grief reactions, including some or all of the following:

• Shock is a common immediate reaction. You may feel numb or disoriented, and may have trouble concentrating.
• Symptoms of depression, including disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, intense sadness, and lack of energy.
• Anger towards the deceased, another family member, a therapist, or yourself.
• Relief, particularly if the suicide followed a long and difficult mental illness.
• Guilt, including thinking, “If only I had….”
• These feelings usually diminish over time, as you develop your ability to cope and begin to heal.

What Do I Do Now?

• Some survivors struggle with what to tell other people. Although you should make whatever decision feels right to you, most survivors have found it best to simply acknowledge that their loved one died by suicide.
• You may find that it helps to reach out to family and friends. Because some people may not know what to say, you may need to take the initiative to talk about the suicide, share your feelings, and ask for their help.
• Even though it may seem difficult, maintaining contact with other people is especially important during the stress-filled months after a loved one’s suicide.
• Keep in mind that each person grieves in his or her own way. Some people visit the cemetery weekly; others find it too painful to go at all.
• Each person also grieves at his or her own pace; there is no set rhythm or timeline for healing.
• Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may be especially difficult, so you might want to think about whether to continue old traditions or create some new ones. You may also experience unexpected waves of sadness; these are a normal part of the grieving process.
• Children experience many of the feelings of adult grief, and are particularly vulnerable to feeling abandoned and guilty. Reassure them that the death was not their fault. Listen to their questions, and try to offer honest, straightforward, age-appropriate answers.
• Some survivors find comfort in community, religious, or spiritual activities, including talking to a trusted member of the clergy.
• Be kind to yourself. When you feel ready, begin to go on with your life. Eventually starting to enjoy life again is not a betrayal of your loved one, but rather a sign that you’ve begun to heal.

Excerpted from Surviving Suicide Loss: A Resource and Healing Guide.

A Message to Survivors

We encourage survivors to gather, to remember, to speak aloud the precious names of those lost to suicide. You are in a safe place with those who understand.

If you are very new to the tragedy of suicide loss, despair may be your companion. We hope you find some time to rest your burden and share it with those of us who need no explanation.

There is no map on this path to becoming whole. It is the most painful of journeys — full of twists and turns, bruised hearts and misunderstandings. Small wonders appear on this path but we may be too sore or fragile to recognize them. But there will be a day when you can look back and know that they were there.

We share your loneliness. We share your sorrow. We share your questions. We honor those we love who have been lost to suicide. May the radiance and beauty of their lives never be defined by their deaths.

Survivors are the most courageous people we know. Be well, be peaceful, be hopeful.

Excerpt from AFSP: Surviving Suicide Loss.

My family and I will be participating in the Las Vegas Walk for suicide prevention on February 5, 2011. We would greatly appeciate any and all support. That support can come in the form of a donation or you can join our team to walk with us! We would love to have as many loved ones with us as possible as we walk to celebrate my Brittanys life and to maybe prevent another parent from having to suffer this pain.

If you would like to donate, or join our team, I have posted the website information on this page under ‘Links and Friends’. Also, just in case you can’t find it, it’s here.

Thank you in advance for your love and support! We so much need it and appreciate it! We love you all!

Please read these… you may be able to help someone save their own life:

Suicide Facts

• Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.
• Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.
• There are twice as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS.
• Between 1952 and 1995, suicide in young adults nearly tripled.
• Over half of all suicides occur in adult men, ages 25-65.
• In the month prior to their suicide, 75% of elderly persons had visited a physician.
• Suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring.
• Over half of all suicides are completed with a firearm.
• For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death.
• Suicide rates among the elderly are highest for those who are divorced or widowed.
• 80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.
• 15% of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide.
• There are an estimated 8 to 25 attempted suicides to 1 completion.
• The highest suicide rate is among men over 85 years old: 65 per 100,000 persons.
• 1 in 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 commit suicide each year.
• Substance abuse is a risk factor for suicide.
• The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression.
• By 2010, depression will be the #1 disability in the world. (World Health Organization)
• In 2004, 32,439 people died by suicide. (CDC)
• Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. (homicide is 15th). (CDC)
• Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old Americans. (CDC)
• It is estimated that there are at least 4.5 million survivors in this country. (AAS)
• An average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes. (CDC, AAS)
• There are four male suicides for every female suicide. (CDC, AAS)
• Research has shown medications and therapy to be effective suicide prevention.
• Suicide can be prevented through education and public awareness.
• Last year SAVE educated 10,618 youth & parents on depression and suicide prevention.
• Last year SAVE received 810 requests for information from 72 countries.
• In 2004 it is estimated there were 811,000 suicide attempts in the US. (AAS)
• There are three female suicide attempts for each male attempt. (CDC, AAS)
• According to the Violent Death Reporting System, in 2004 73% of suicides also tested positive for at least one substance (alcohol, cocaine, heroin or marijuana).

Excerpt from SAVE | Suicide Facts.