Brittany Rebecca Helton

and I have been sitting here thinking of all the drama that CRAZY continues to cause. If it’s anyone that is bipolar, it’s her!! Her posts go from scary and threatening to all loving and caring….like she knows how to even been the last 2!! If anyone needs to take any medication, and truckloads of it, it’s definitely her!!! It’s no wonder why you did what you did. Any other person would have done the same thing. AND yes, you death WAS preventable. Had she not acted like the insane person that she is, you would not have felt that the only way to get out from under her spell was to take your own life. I will blame her until the day comes for me to see you. She was the one that was responsible for you doing what you did! AND, had your loser, weak father done something about her torturing you, you would still be here. I think it’s so funny that they just think they are the best parents ever! Let’s talk about biohazard!

I hope that she discussed with her ‘IT Director’ (do you even think she knows what IT stands for…? haha) about the fact that someone can copy a photo and alter it 7 times and it no longer falls under the so called copyright that she claims to have. And as for your ‘ESTATE’, PAH LEESE!!!! Give me a break already!!! It’s so funny that she can claim that she is doing all of this, but to this day, almost 8 months since you have been gone, your headstone is still not in placr. I am sure that she is making sure that it has her name all over it, because I guess your death is really ALL about her!!! SICKO!!! Get a life!!!

I told your sister the other day that I am really trying to be a good person and look beyond everything that has happened, and I don’t like to use this word…but I really do HATE her and I know that you felt the same way….no matter what you wrote! Oh, and speaking of that….it’s funny how now, in your last letter, you allegedly wrote that not matter what you had written about her before that she really was the best. The thing is, you just wrote MOM, not her name……so thank you honey. I am not the greatest mom in the world, but I try my best. (I am sure now she will change what she wrote and say it was from you, because she has a habit of doing that!!!) Nothing that she has posted will ever be believed until we see it for our own eyes!! And when you wrote MOM, I know you were talking about me! I know what you and sister talked about when it came to CRAZY!!!

I love you my sweet girl! I hope that you are resting, unless you are playing with Sasha, Bubby, Pippen and Monkey!

So now, to add to the the list of all the things CRAZY has called me, we can add HACKER!! how funny is that baby. She actually thinks that I hacked into your facebook account. Just because I work in the computer industry, that does not mean that I know how to hack in to anything! And she calls ME the disgusting piece of shit….she really needs to take a look in the mirror.

She is right about one thing though. This battle should never have been fought. Had she not started it with her stunt with your obituary, then none of this would have ever happened and we all would have been able to mourn you together. To share stories of you and to work on things together. But instead, she had to go behind even your father’s back and lie in your obituary and say things that are not true. From listing herself as your birth mother to listing her sorry excuse for a mother as your maternal grandmother. Just because her name is on your birth certificate, that means absolutely nothing. Apparently it doesn’t mean anything that her name is allegedly on your sister’s birth certificate. That has not changed the fact that she is ‘cyber bullying’ your sister. (She likes to say people are doing that, so let’s throw it back on her.) It’s more like internet harassment. AND, I know about the letter because your loser father told me about it! I don’t make shit up like she does!!!

As for the ‘ignoring part’….total BS!!! She is the one that has stirred up all the shit that has been going on!! Had she just stepped up and been just a portion of a human being, none of this would be going on right now. If the roles were reversed, I would have included her in everything. Instead, she tried to make herself look better by ‘allowing’ us to sit at your casket at the graveside service. Oh wow! Thanks so much for allowing us to do what WE ARE ENTITLED TO in the first place!!

And, I find it pretty funny that she states she does not care about us, but continues to write about us on her joke website. What happened to not being able to fight anymore. Not being able to afford the legal fees. Well, if she would stop blowing all of her money on cigarettes and new computers, she would have been able to at least afford a headstone on your grave. It’s her responsibility afterall….she claims she’s your mother. IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT US, THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT US! GET A LIFE AND FOCUS ON THE 2 LOSER CHILDREN YOU STILL HAVE THAT ARE BREATHING BEFORE THEY DO THE SAME THING THAT MY DAUGHTER DID!!!

And let’s talk about being a THIEF!!! (that’s the way it’s spelled MORON! buy a dictionary…seriously! how STUPID are you?) That CRAZY waste of space stole you and your sister from me, AND got paid for it with my child support for all those years!!!

Oh, and you better get on the phone with your IT Director (who is probably that loser husband of your cousin….right) and tell him that the website that he created is a ridiculous joke. My youngest daughter could build a website better…AND she would be able to spell all the words correctly!!!

I hope she does go far away…and NEVER comes back!!! Fall off the face of the earth LOSER!!! She wants to mourn….well welcome to my world. That is all I have been wanting to do since August 4, 2010. I have not been given that chance. I have been harassed and tormented and tortured by her just like you were. I will not allow her to do to me what she did to you. You were just a child and she should be ashamed of herself for what she did! She does not even deserve the right to be called ‘MOM’!

it’s funny that someone who claims to be an advocate against cyber bullying is doing the exact same thing that she claims is why you took your life. (which is funny how THAT story keeps changing.) To claim that I sent you messages on facebook and said mean things to you is the reason why you committed suicide is right up there with her chances of winning Ms America. I find it strange that she cannot look in her ‘own backyard’ (in her uneducated redneck words) and realize that my influence on Brittany was next to null….obviously. The funny thing is that you apparently wrote a letter, not sure if it was addressed to me, but I know it was about me and I have never been able to read it. If it was something bad that you wrote, it would have been thrown in my face faster than any of us can snap our fingers. But, your father told me that I needed to read it in person, and when we got there, I was not given the chance to do that.

As for your SISTER not going out to PA right away to ‘help with the arrangements’…first of all she was never asked to help because the control freak wanted to do everything. I even offered and was not even allowed to order the flowers for on top of your casket. Second, there is no airport in Twentynine Palms AND brother is in the military. For someone who claims to have a military background, oh how easily she has forgotten how long it takes to get emergency leave arranged. Not to mention the fact that THEY did not even offer to help sister and brother with anything….not even calling to Red Cross to get the emergency paperwork expedited (CH, that means sped up…just so you know). Regarding the airport, it only made sense to come to Vegas so we could all fly out as a family, and sister needed her true mother and grandmother just as much as we needed her.

As for my significant others, what does that have to do with anything regarding this. I could say a whole lot of things about your father….like how he likes to find other women to screw and then he leaves for weeks and then comes back, but I won’t. We can also talk about the fact that it was not me checking out your loser of a father, but the other way around….and how would she be able to see if anything happened with a police officer standing in front of her because she could not keep her big effing mouth shut for all of 5 minutes. She had to be told several times to settle down by more than one officer there. I on the other hand behaved myself like I promised you I would and actually was spoken to by one of the officers and was thanked for making his job easier!!

My world is dillusional….let’s talk a little bit about a certain phone call that was made from the CRAZY to a certain young man where she told him that she wanted him to go down and get shirts made for him and ALL his friends that said ‘I F*CKED Ashley’ and wear them to the funeral. Even offered to pay from them. And THAT information came straight from your best friend’s mouth baby girl. We know that for a fact. We can also talk about the fact that the boy told CRAZY that he was not going to do that because it was disrespectful to Brittany, Ashley and the entire situation.

As for referring to her as your HALF sister….yeah, that is true, but at least she is blood related, and not a sexual deviant. AND that is another thing we heard from your best friend about. We know all about the fact that the video camera thing happened not once, but TWICE and we also know that the CRAZY and your loser dad stated that they were going to put him in counseling, oh but there was a ‘waitlist’ for it. I can only imagine how that made you feel honey. That your disgusting STEP brother was getting off on watching you get undressed in your room and in the shower. I also love how she used to tell your sister all the time how much she loved her and that she was having ‘Ashley withdraws’, but now she is the ‘Spawn’ and a ‘retard’ and ‘nasty off spring’. WOW! Such loving words from a woman that once claimed to have loved your sister. Oh, wait, i think there was also a time when CRAZY was overheard on the phone calling both of the “C*NTS’. But of course she is going to deny that because she is the perfect mother and deserves the ‘Mother of the Year award’.

Let’s also talk about the fact why you felt the need to write nice things about CRAZY! We also know that there was a fight in the past that you wrote something nasty about her and she found it and got very angry with you, so you told your best friend that you were only going to write nice things about CRAZY from now on just in case you found them.

Let’s also talk about all the phone calls that you got from CRAZY with her screaming and your boyfriend could hear her screaming and calling you names. The call when you were in Ohio for his birthday and you were going to go to the amusement park and you got a call at midnight saying that you better be home in the morning. And the fact that you drove straight through and had to stop for at least 1 hour because you were so tired. That they allowed you to drive in that condition and to have to sleep on the side of the road. Oh, and that when you got home, nothing was said to you like nothing ever happened. That you were sooooo looking forward to going to the park with BJ and that was taken away from you. Not to mention the fact that after that phone call you cried for a very long time because you were so hurt by the call. And that was not the first crying session that you had had over that CRAZY woman.

I know that sister has so many more things that she could share with you, but she will be sharing them with someone else instead.

As for me not knowing anything about you after the point of your birth, REALLY? I was there for 3 years, before your loser father hid yours and your sisters passports from me and I was not allowed to remove you out of Germany. How is it that THAT information is never stated. Funny!! Going back to my original point….does she know anything about you before you turned 4? No!! She was not there, she did not know us. So I think that one should not speak of what they do not know.

It’s also funny how she can say that people who did not know you or spend any time with you don’t have a right to miss you….well then, what about your aunt who had probably seen you all of 2 times in the entire time you were alive. How is it that she can miss you and she was a loser just like CRAZY, but I gave birth to you, and while I may have only seen you a handful of times because 2 human beings (and I use that term lightly) were continuously breaking the law by not abiding by the court ordered visitation rights), that was not my fault. You and I have a bond that CRAZY will never be able to claim, nor take away from us.

and all i have to say to CRAZY is …..read away BITCH…..you can try, but you will never be me. I was the one that gave birth to my beloved Brittany and that gets under your skin more than anything. Jealously is the ugliest trait!!! There is something there that you will NEVER be able to take away from me, and that is the bond that I have with MY daughters. Here’s a little suggestion…instead of focusing all your time on me and my ‘nasty off spring’ (as you call it) why don’t you focus on getting yourself some help, get your disgusting son the counseling he needs, and try and get the word out about suicide and the affects it has on the people involved instead of deflecting the blame that you have within yourself to others to make yourself feel better. The only thing that I am guilty for is NOT keeping my daughter away from the likes of you. Had I just not allowed her to come back to you and your dysfunctional way of living, she would still be alive today.

that no matter what you were told and not matter what is still going on, I have always loved you. I love you so very much MY beautiful girl. I have more to write to you, but I am too tired and want my words to be right on when I do write them. Not that I need to say them, because you already know the truth.

I love you my sweetheart. Always have, always will

First it was that you were depressed, now it’s that you were cyber bullied. Someone is definitely grasping at straws. It’s truly sad that people have to make up lies to cover up their own guilt. I find it quite humorous that there is a new story every so often. I wonder why the truth has not been told. Like that fact that someone that lived in your house was video taping you without your knowledge. How about the truth that CRAZY tormented you and made you feel like a chile. she ‘allowed’ you to go on vacation with your girlfriends? You were 19!!! You could have done anything you wanted to. You were an adult. That’s what she keeps saying anyway, every time she tries to defend herself about not being aware of what was going on with you and the fact that she was SLEEPING when you took your own life. It’s funny how the answer is ‘she was an adult’ when it’s convenient for her. It’s funny that she cannot look at herself in the mirror because she will have to face her own responsibilities. She cannot sleep at night because she has her own demons to battle because she is the one that is responsible for the rest of losing you.

I don’t get why they feel the need to be so hateful!! Especially on a page that has to do with you and allowing you to be honored and allowing you to rest in peace. Seriously!! And to think that I was thinking about reaching out to your loser father and checking on him to make sure he is ok. For all I care he could rot in hell, which I am sure if quite close to living with the step monster that took you away from me. I am so sick and tired of everything from that part of the country. It’s bad enough that my blood pressure is through the roof right now with everything else that is going on, then I have to see some shitty comment on a suicide causes page with your beautiful picture on it. I could just scream! I know that it’s not ok to hate people, but I truly despise them!! The only good thing that came out of my relationship with your loser father was you.

It’s funny that he was so into your life when you were older but when you were a baby he chose to abandon you and I and your sister. It’s funny how that never gets mentioned. It’s funny that he wanted nothing to do with either one of you 2 and that I was the mommy and the daddy because he was too busy doing other things. Then he just ups and leaves. Oh wait, that’s right. He also did it again when you were 13 or so and you had to keep that dirty little secret from CRAZY. Some father of the year he is huh? Oh but now, he is trying to appear that he worshipped the ground that you walked on. Perhaps he should have protected you from the one person that drove you to take your own life and he would be able to worship the ground you walk on. Perhaps he should have seen that SHE was the one that was tormenting and bullying you and THAT is what led you to do what you did….not me. How can I bully you when we barely communicated with each other, but your choice not mine. I wanted you in my life and in your sisters lives, but you did not want that and I let you have that freedom. THAT is what a good mother does. I did not smother you and call you all the time and yell at you and make you drive 7 hours straight back from Ohio and miss the one thing you were looking forward to doing with your boyfriend. I am not the mother that you and your sister used to make fun behind her back and I am not the mother that was told that she is ‘obsessed with her children’. I am also not the mother that was taking a nap on the couch when you committed suicide.

All I can do at this point is to pray that one day they are forgiven by you and God.

I love you sweetheart

it’s been 32 weeks since you decided you were done with your task and it was time for you to leave. 32 weeks that we all have been so very sad and missing you like crazy. 32 weeks of tears and questions and not getting the answers and 32 weeks of bullshit.

32 weeks of wanting to walk into where you have been, just to touch what you have touched and smell you. I keep throwing things around in my head. Should I do ‘this’ or should I do ‘that’. You know exactly what I have been thinking. Why have some people been acting the way they have? I know that I have not been on my best behavior, but I lost my daughter. How else am I supposed to act.

I said to someone the other day….I will never been as happy as I once was ever again. I will never have the joy that I once had because a piece of me is missing. I will be sad for the rest of my life.

I love you

Every time I look at a picture of you, my heart breaks more. I miss you. You are so beautiful, and I am so sad. I want to smile and cry at the same time. You were so loved and obviously so sad. I am so sorry that I could not help you.

I love you

I wonder if I will ever kick this exhaustion that has taken over me. I am tired all the time. I slept most of the weekend and I am still so very tired. I can’t be like this because of your little sisters. I have to be able to take care of them, but I can barely take care of myself right now. All I want to do is sleep. I think that everything is finally catching up to me. So many things have happened over the past several years, but none so bad as losing you. I think that my body has finally realized that it has been through so much that it’s ready to just shut down. With all the fighting with your father to get you back and then the continued fighting just to get him to abide by the court orders to have you come and visit, to the issues that happened over the weekend before sister’s graduation to losing the dogs and losing you. It all has just pretty much sucked the life out of me. I wish you really understood while you were on this earth just how much I loved you. That never changed, no matter what anyone ever said to you. You were my child and I loved you as much as I love your sisters. I know that you were told some things that were not true, and one day I hope to be able to see your face and clear up all the wrongs that were done to you. I hope you can see now just how much you mean to me and how sad we all are that you are gone.

I love you

my world was changed forever. I received the call that changed my life and your sisters lives. We will never be the same. We will never be whole again. It feels like a lifetime and a minute all at the same time. Sometimes I don’t even realize how quickly the time has passed, then I stop and think about how it feels like it was just yesterday that sissy called me and told me that we lost you forever.

Please know that we will always love you and will never forget you