Brittany Rebecca Helton

Because if it were, you would be here in Las Vegas were you belong, with me and your sisters, and I never would have let you go when they called and lied about you father being deployed. Well, ok, he was, 6 WEEKS LATER. Legally you should have stayed with me, but why should they have followed the law then when they never did any other time anyway.

I hope that you had an amazing New Year’s party up there with all the loved ones from our family. Nonie and Grandpa, Bubby, Sasha, Mr. Nibbles, Uncle Pete, our cousin Sherri (you would absolutely love her and I know that she is looking over you for me). We did not do anything. I guess everything that has gone on over the past 6 months or so has caught up to me because all I wanted to do was sleep, and that is exactly what I did. Well, I did get up and out of the house enough to get my hair done, you know ‘because I’m old and gray’ apparently. But at least I can leave the house!! haha Then Ben and I had some lunch then we went back home and hung around for a while then we watched the ball drop on TV and by 9:05pm we were in bed! I thought about you the whole time, wondering what you were doing. Hoping you were having a great time! I am sure that you looked beautiful.

I will be traveling soon for work, and I think it will be a good thing. I will have a chance to get out of Las Vegas for a bit and get to see some old friends.

OH!!! Not that I need to tell you, but it was snowing here this morning!! It was so beautiful and it made me think that you were here….clearing out all the garbage and bringing in all the new beautiful things for the new year.  Thank you for that! Mom so needed a sign from you that you are still here with me. I will put some pictures up later.

You’ve worked hard this morning sweetheart, so now its time for you to rest. I love you.

I’m feeling lost today little girl, and I am not sure why. I always thought that I would see you again and that we would have a relationship like sissy and I do, but I never thought that I would have to see you the way that I did in August. I never thought that I would have to see you lying in a casket, lifeless. That is not the way is was supposed to be. We were supposed to see each other, hug each other and talk about all the things that you wanted to talk about and for me to tell you all the things I wanted to tell you. All the things that you were lied to about for so long. I hate the fact that they made you believe all the lies that they told you. I know now that you know that they are not true and that you really see the truth.

I wonder if you are able to look back in time and see all the heartache I went through over the years to get you and your sister back with me, and all the lies that were told to me, to you and your sister, and to the courts in order for you to NOT be where you belong. It’s ok thought, because now, none of that is important. The only thing that matters now is that my little girl is gone and that breaks my heart. I don’t care what anyone says….Just because I did not ‘raise’ you (if you can call what they did to you raising you) it does not mean that I did not, or still do not love you with everything I have. I gave birth to you, and that is something that she will never be able to understand. I truly hope that she never truly has to experience the pain of losing one of her OWN children. This pain is so intense that it consumes me some days. People tell me that they just don’t know what to say to me, and my response is ‘I don’t know what to say either’.

I have you picture on my desk next to your sisters’ pics and I look at all of you everyday. Today I sat here and cried and tried not to let anyone hear me. They all must think that I am crazy, but not as crazy to post your joke of a birth certificate on my website.

I love you very much my sweetheart. I know you are watching….maybe you will stop by Vegas for a visit this weekend.

Mommy

and there is nothing that any moron can do about it!! You can put your little ‘legal’ jargon on your website all you want, but it’s not legal. Next time you should really consult your legal counsel to get the correct verbiage AND spelling of the terms!

And as for posting MY daughters birth certificate on line, why don’t you just post her social security number while you are at it! Why don’t you just leave your front door open for every thief in the area to steal everything you have! That is pretty much what you have done! What an idiotic move that was!! If that doesn’t say ‘I’m not only stupid but crazy too’ I don’t know what does!!! Whatever point you were trying to prove was out the window……unless it was to prove just how ridiculous and moronic you really are!!! Thanks for showing everyone just how right I was all along!!

until this God awful year is over. As much as I would like to forget this entire year ever happened, it will forever be with me.

Last night Ben and I were talking about you and I still find it so strange to say that you died. It does not sound right. It’s not natural. There is just something so wrong about me talking about you being dead and talking about your funeral and the fact that we are never going to physically have you around to talk to or for your sisters to have another older sister to look to for guidance and wisdom. But, you actually have given all of us some wisdom. You have made us all more aware of what you were truly going through and the pain that you endured.

I love you!!

Hi Honey~

Christmas is finally over and I am both sad and happy about that. It’s funny how I used to love this holiday, now I just want it to be over, along with this year. I was sitting in the livingroom on Christmas morning watching your sisters play with all of their things, and looked at Tristann for just a moment and she reminded me so much of you that I broke down. She is the same age that you were when you came out for the one christmas that you did, and that was only because your ‘parents’ weren’t abiding by the court order to send you out when you were supposed to, but that is neither here nor there. The thing that mattered was that you were where you belonged, with your mother and your sisters. It was such a great time, no matter how much the crazies tried to ruin it. You never stopped smiling the entire time that you were here, even when the crazies called the police to our house. They saw how happy you were and they left immediately!

Thank you for the visit last night. It was a restless night, for everyone I think, even Roxy. She did not sleep well at all.

So, I know that you saw what went on on Christmas this year, what with the insane things the crazy was doing. It’s ok baby, everyone who matters knows the truth. She can say anything she wants, it does not affect me the way that it used to. I actully find it quite comical just how dillusional she really is, and the fact that she would rather focus on ‘people she does not give a damn about’ (her words) than to focus on celebrating and honoring your life. Also that she thinks that everything she is posting is factual, when in fact she edited your obituary to remove mine, your grandparents and your sisters name out of it! How is that honoring your life? She claims that my site is full of lies…..perhaps she should read her own postings! The other thing I find comical is that she is bashing me about my age….hey CRAZY…we are the EXACT same age!! What a moron! I know that you did not hate me. I know that you were trying to get away from that insane person and her crazy effed up life. I know that you were trying to make your way out of that asylum that is called a house. You got out, but unfortunately, we all lost you as well. It’s all good though. One day all of her crazy actions will catch up to her, and as your sissy said on Facebook ‘Your anger and stupidity are going to consume you and shorten your life and when it finally does catch up to you and take you down, the world will be an infinitely better place.’ I could not agree with her more! She really is an amazing girl! Thank god neither of you got any of the ‘stupid’ rubbed off on you.

I hope that you are able to rest in Heavenly peace sweetheart. I know with all the continued craziness from the CRAZY, it’s a difficult thing to do, but please try. God knows that you of all people deserve it the most.

Merry Christmas sweetheart. I hope you are having an amazing day and getting to open all the presents you wanted and NOT having to wait until everyone else was around to do what you wanted. Thank you for the giggle last night and for coming to me in my dream. It was much needed. You must have known that I was having a difficult time and you played a song on the computer that made both Ben and I giggle. It was just what mom needed. It made me really know that you are here where you belong.

Have a peaceful day today sweetheart, and see through the PA/BS fog that you know is not factual.

ps….you may want to remind certain CRAZIES that your sister took 3 years of German AND you both have a German grandmother….not the sharpest tool in the shed that one is!!!!!

I love you sweetheart…..Always remember that

This picture was taken on the one Christmas that you came to visit, and the reason why that was that way is because your father and the crazy were not abiding by the court order to have you come out at christmas and in the summer. Not to mention that they called the police on Christmas morning to try and ruin our holiday. They didn’t though. we had the best holiday ever. You were where you belonged and with people who actually loved you.

Cannot believe how young they were!!!

Thank you so much for shining the sun on us. We definitely needed it, although the rain was so great! Once again, I feel you here with us and it feels great!

I hope you are looking over everyone that needs you up there. My cousin Sherri is there. Look for her if you haven’t seen her already, and of course Grandma Rita. Play with Bubby, Sasha and Monkey also. It’s probably been awhile since they have been able to really play.

Say a prayer for the people here that need it the most. You know who they are what they have done and continue to do. You know what is being said and the fact that they are trying to hurt the ones that are closest to you.

The funny thing is that they say that we don’t matter to them, but the crazies continue to write about us on the joke blog. If we don’t mean anything, then why is her life revolving around us when it should be revolving around you and the life that you lived. She should be focusing on honoring your life instead of trying to make us look bad, which is not working. What kind of a so called ‘mother’ would rather focus on people that in here words ‘don’t matter’ than to focus on you and your beautiful life and the work that you still have to do. It baffles me sometimes my sweetheart.

Well, 2 more days til christmas. I hope that we have another visit from you! I love you so much.

Here Comes The Sun…..

So, I was getting ready for work this morning (because  I CAN leave the house) and sissy was in my room with me telling me about a dream that she had and you were in it.  (I like that you come and visit us!!) Anyway, she said that she and Jeff were talking to you and that they were the only ones that could see and hear you, so she asked you why you did what you did and you told her ‘because I wanted everyone to know that SHE hated me.’ When sister asked you who you were talking about, you told her it was the CRAZY. (Ok, maybe not your exact words, but you get the jist of it.) Sissy said that after that dream, she felt better about things. I hope that she will be able to find peace now. We all know how sissy feels about you, and why the CRAZY hated you.

It’s funny that she can brag about the fact that her name is on your birth certificate, AFTER 17 YEARS! The one thing she will never be able to brag about is the fact that I gave birth to you and I held you for the first time. I fed you and changed your diaper for the first time and I was the one that you came home with.  All I can do is pray for her and hope that she finds peace in her own guilt about what she did to you.

Thank you for visiting us over the past 3 days. It has been raining like crazy here! It’s nice to have you home for Christmas. I know that we are going to see you more often now that you can do whatever you want without the psycho eye watching over you!! Are you here because you know this is where you belong? Are you here because you miss your mom and your sisters?

I hope you are staying safe up there. Find Bubby, he will protect you. He always loved you. Try to get some rest. God know you need it more than anyone. After everything you have been through in your short life, you deserve to rest without any CRAZY disturbing you.

I love you!

Honey, I guess I was wrong about Brett. I thought he was sincere about wanting to get to know us and wanting to spend time with us. I failed again by allowing someone into our lives and then he turned his back on us and on you. I have reached out to him several times since he has been back in communication with the CRAZY, but apparently he has decided that he wants to associate with the people that are responsible for what happened to you. That’s ok…it’s his choice, but he is missing out on knowing the family that really loved you and missing out on knowing your REAL siblings. WHATEVS!

It’s still raining here, but once again…you knew that! Dry it up baby girl. It’s going to be ok. Are you crying because of Brett? Are you crying because you want him to stay away from that insanity?

I love you my sweetheart…….

It’s raining here right now, but you knew that already. Its been raining all day, but you knew that too. Your sisters and brother are in bed and I have the window open listening to the rain and I wonder….are you crying because you are sad that you are not here, or are you crying because you are finally happy and at peace with everything? I wish I were. I wish I were at peace with what has happened to our family and what you did almost 5 months ago to bring our lives to a screeching halt. But, this is not about me, or your sisters or your grandparents, this is about YOU, and do not let anyone ever make you feel that it’s not. YOU are the one that felt the need to leave the stage in the middle of your song. YOU are the one that felt that your only escape was the ultimate escape. YOU are the one that we will be walking to honor in February. I hope you are there with us on that Saturday morning. I hope that we feel your presence while we are honoring your short but beautiful life. And by beautiful life, I mean YOU, not the way you were raised and not the way you were not taken care of…I simply mean you….my beautiful angel. My beautiful daughter who should have been here tonight with your sisters and brother watching ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

We love you, and we miss you, and our pain is not less or no greater than anyone elses that has lost you. It’s just different. Some love you out of guilt, some love you out of just loving you.

Stop crying sweetheart and go to sleep. Rest