Brittany Rebecca Helton

You know, people are just ignorant sometimes honey. They believe what they hear from someone else and don’t bother to actually ASK what the whole story is. Instead of becoming extremely defensive and attacking (yes, it attacKing not attacHing), they should just reach out to the other person to actually find out the truth. Even if they do not know that other person. I guess it’s just easier to believe all the CRAZY things people have to say instead of really trying to find out the truth. But that just goes to show me that those kind of people are so closed minded that they just don’t care what the truth is and would rather believe something that a dillusional, unstable person has to say. Everything that she has had to say has been nothing but lies anyway! Anyone who is important knows that.

As for the name calling, seriously!! How would she feel is someone referred to her by the things that she calls me. I may have been (in the CRAZY’s words) an ‘egg donor’ and an ‘incubator’ (whatever, at least I did not steal children from another woman!!) but I will never have the tag of ‘loser’ or ‘murderer’!!! Grow up and act like you are a 40 year old mother of TWO!!! It’s not wonder why the 2 boys have turned out as bad as they have…..their mother is CRAZY!!! I hate that you are gone, but I am glad that you no longer have to put up with her bipolar, deranged actions. We all know why you did what you did, and it was because of her and the way that she tormented you. The things that she did to you when you were walking the earth. She should be ashamed of herself for treating people the way that she does. Not only you, but your sissy too. She made her believe that she loved her and wanted to be a part of her life, and then as soon as you died, she threw her aside like the trash. Well, that CRAZY definitely belongs on the curb with the rest of the garbage because that is all she is.

If she doesn’t care about sissy, why does she keep bringing her up….and me too for that matter? If she does not give us a 2nd thought, why does she keep writing about us? It must be the best way for her to mask her own guilt. Obviously she is feeling bad about the things that she did to you and the way she treated sissy. She was so jealous of me because I was both of yours mom, that she took it out on you and your sister. What a pathetic individual she is for being that way. She should have been thanking me for allowing her to be a part of your life. I allowed you to do what you wanted to do because I wanted you to be happy. Now that I look back, I should have just kept you and gotten an emergency order to NOT have you go back. If I had known what I know now, you NEVER would have returned to that insane individual.

I wish she would just leave us alone. There is no reason to make statements about us, and there certainly is no reason to talk about us. You know, it’s been said that if you are occupying real estate in someones head, then you must be important to them!!  

I love you and I am sorry that I could not save you from all of that torment and torture

I get this ridiculously worded message (not to mention the grammar was horrible….no wonder…it came from someone from that small bumpkin town with no education!) Thank GOD you did not turn out like some of those people!!

I just wish people would mind their own business and stop harassing us. We have not done anything except try to honor your memory. I have never ever heard this girl’s name mentioned either by your sister or seen her name at all until after you left us. It’s funny how people can claim to care about you only AFTER you died. We know who your true friends were, and according to your BEST friend, this girl even called you a bitch before you died. That must be her favorite word because she called your sister that today as well. Small town, small minds I guess.

And the funniest thing is that she (the loser that sent me the message) could not even use WHOM correctly!!! Whatevs, right baby??!!! You can’t fix STUPID!!!

I love you and hope that you are resting…..you deserve it after everything you have been through.

We thought of you with love today.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.

We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

Author: Unknown

I have been so busy with work, but I am so exhausted because my body does not remember what it’s like to sleep. It’s been that way since August 4th. It sucks not to be able to get more than a few hours of sleep each night.

I have also been busy trying to get the shirts designed and made for the walk. I cannot believe its in just a few weeks. The time has flown by so quickly. TOOOO quickly!! My very best friend John (you would love him) had some bracelets made….you know the kind, like the Lance Armstrong ones. They are perfect and we are going to give them to our team at the walk along with the shirts. I hope that you like the design of the shirts. Sissy and I have been going back and forth with them.

I love you. Try and get some rest….I am always here.

Pippen was very sick very suddenly yesterday and Troy and I had to make the decision to not have him suffer anymore. It was something that hit him very hard and very fast and there was nothing that we could do to help him. Look out for him baby, just as he will look out for you. Protect him, just as he will protect you. Keep him happy and healthy and play with him. He has a wiggly butt and will wiggle it when he sees you. He likes to play, but will never let you have the toy!! He is funny that way.

I love you~

You know baby, it’s funny that people think that they are ‘nearly perfect’ when it comes to certain things. I have been accused of not wanting to see you or not making time for you, but I remember when Troy and I were getting married and I wanted you to be there sooooo badly, but ‘parents’ refused to allow you to be there because ‘it wasn’t your time to come for a visit’, even though I said that I would pay for all the the travel expenses, just like I ALWAYS did!!! Also, I asked your ‘father’ to do me a favor and drive you to the nearest large city for you to fly out on your ‘scheduled’ visits, and he asked the judge to award him a mileage expense if that were going to happen…instead of just being nice and agreeing to it so you could spend time with your sisters, he wanted to be a jerk. I have no doubt that it was more the CRAZY than it was him, but he really should have grown a set and laid the law down to her. Apparently he has never been able to do that….even when he was hiding the fact that he was sleeping around and that he moved out and he told you all the dirty little secrets and made you keep it quiet!! You poor thing…that could not have been easy for you, being that you were ‘HER secret keeper’. I just wonder what other secrets you were forced to keep in your short life. THAT was not your job to do that. What kind of people make their ‘child’ keep such secrets as they are having an affair?? DISGUSTING!! I wish that I would have just fought even harder than I did to get you to be where you belong. At least you would still be alive and all of us would not be hurting the way that we are…..Instead, I went into financial ruin (which I would do 10 times over) and tons of heartache to get you to be here with me and your sisters. I did everything the right way and followed the law and they did everything wrong and broke the law and the court order all for what??? So you could go and kill yourself because of them?? GREAT!!!

I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing Brittany. It’s already the middle of January, and the walk is just a little over 3 weeks away. It seems like it was just yesterday when the walk was organized and I was thinking ‘wow, 5 months away?’ Now, it’s right around the corner. I am so busy traveling for work, but I still can’t seem to focus on anything but the fact that you are gone. I see you in my dreams and even when I am awake, and not all of the images of you are pleasant. I hate the bad thoughts, I love and miss the good ones. Anyway, I am trying to get the shirts for the walk done, but I cannot decide what I want on them. I have asked sissy for her thoughts, and as always, she is very helpful. I worry about her. She is so sad without you. So, besides the shirts, we have the bracelets and I am trying to decide what memorial stickers to get. So much to do. We are also going to do something else special that you know about, but I will tell you about it after we do it. I am hoping that it works out ok and that we get alot of feedback. I’m interested to see what happens.

I wish that I had something that I could hold that belonged to you. I hear all these other parents talk about smelling their children’s clothes and wearing the children’s clothes, but I have nothing. I hate that I don’t have anything of yours that that I could just hold close to me.

I still cannot believe that you are gone. It makes me sad to think that you are never going to be here again. It makes me sad that sissy is struggling without you and that you are never going to know your tiny baby sisters like Ashley does. I am happy that you visited her the other night. She needed it and it means a lot to her that you come and visit. I would rather you do that then to visit me. Spend your time with her baby. She needs it so much.

I love you. Rest sweetheart. I will write more later. And remember….keep believing what you are seeing….

I am so sorry that I have not written in the last few days. I have been traveling for work and have just been crazy busy. I am home until tomorrow, so I thought I would finally sit and write to you. The good thing about traveling is that I have a lot of time to think….THAT is also the bad think about traveling as well. I have TOO much time to think about you and everything that has happened over the past months. It is just so crazy to think that I will never see your beautiful face again. I have these images in my head of you throughout your life, even the times that you were not with me where you belonged. I have flashbacks of you as a baby and as a little girl, then I have flashbacks of August 11th when I saw you lying there….lifeless. It kills me to think that you were hurting so badly that you took your own life. I just don’t understand how this could all have happened.

I love you….

So, I have been meaning to post these pictures for you for a while, but have been forgetting to grab them from facebook, so here they are. The first one is the one I had done in the summer of 2009, and then I had the additional one done attached to your flower after you left. Unlike others, sissy and I had our tattoos when you were still with us!

There is no need to explain to you what the 88800888 is in the blue streak. You were there….you know what it means. I love you sweetheart.

Yes, it’s been 5 months since you decided that you needed to end the pain. 5 months since you decided that you needed to ‘get out’ of whatever you felt you had to get out of (I know what you were talking about, and so does everyone else). 5 months of tears and ‘WHYS’ and anger and, yes, laughing. I come to work everyday, now that I can get myself out of bed, and I sit here. Some days I can focus, most days not. Most days, like today, I cry. I have pictures of you and sissy up and then pictures of the ‘tiny baby children’ (as sissy call them…it’s cute…you would probably have called them that too.) The sad thing is that I will never have pictures of all of my beautiful daughters together because you had to leave. You obviously had something extremely important to do, and that’s ok. You can explain to mom when we meet again. We will have plenty of time to sit and talk about everything that we never could because you were always being hovered over. We will have OUR time baby. Just mom and daughter. There is so much to get caught up on, even though you know everything that is going on, which is good. I know that you are seeing everything, and all I can say is….it’s about time!! haha Everyone else who matters has seen it and on August 4, 2010 you saw it too. I have no doubt that you saw it long before that. I know that things that happened between us were not your doing. It’s ok though baby. Everything is OK. I love you and that is all that matters. I have never stopped loving you. You and your sisters are my world.

I hope you are able to rest. It’s been a long 5 months!