Brittany Rebecca Helton

I am finding myself missing you so much these days. Maybe it’s because of the messages that I have received from people that knew you and those who did not know any of us but have come across your site or saw your headstone at the cemetery. I find comfort in the kind words that people have for me, even after the almost 15 months that you have been gone. You know baby, people can spout off about GOD and the CREATOR or whatever, but if they do not believe in a higher being, then what does it matter. People can talk badly about me or your sister or whomever they way to, but is that really believing in a higher being. GOD would not approve of people talking mean about others. That is just another form of bullying.

Your baby sister is turning 9 next week, and you will not be here to see it. 🙁 She is starting to look more and more like you everyday, and for that, I am happy. That means that you both have the traits from my side of the family. I hope you will be looking down on her on the day of her birthday. It’s funny! I just realized that both of your baby sister’s were born on your favorite number! How awesome is that? I wish that you were here with us to celebrate Tee’s birthday and then Mama’s birthday the following month, and brother is coming back from deployment right before Christmas! There is so much going on in the next 2 months that I am not sure if I will be able to keep myself and everything else straight.

You and your sisters have always been my sunshine on the darkest of days. I am so glad to have had what little time with you that we had. It was of no fault of either of us that we did not have more time. We will let those who stole that from us answer to the person they need to when it is their time to do so. For now, I will cherish the times we did have, for no one will ever be able to take those moments away from us. I held you when I brought you into the world, and I told you how much I loved you when you left this world.

Stay strong and beautiful and please continue to watch over those that love you still today. You will never have to worry about being hurt by others ever again my sweetheart.

I love you! Rest in Peace

I Miss My Child

Don’t ask me how im doing,
you don’t really want to know
you want me to say im doing fine,
not let my feelings show

you talk about your children,
but you never mention mine
you think thats showing that you care,
that i will think thats fine

but my child is still important,
i love them just the same
it hurts that you wont talk of them,
afraid to say their name

the club that i belong to,
it gets bigger everyday
i hope i never see you there,
of that i hope and pray

its a group of special people,
whose hearts are forever broken
and our pain is only doubled
when our angels names are never spoken

we’re angel moms and angel dads,
and we want you to remember
that we didnt ask to join this club,
or ask to be a member

so when you ask that question,
and i say that im just fine
give me a hug and say to me “your not, no need to lie”
all we need is understanding,
sometimes a shoulder too
if the roles were reversed we’d do the same for you.

There was an amazing event held in Pomona, CA on 10/1/2011 in memory of Jacob Soto. It was a classic car show on the 5th anniversary of Jacob’s passing. The family did an amazing job and they had a great turn out! We are definitely doing something like this in Las Vegas next year.
http://www.dailybulletin.com/ci_19023137

Thank you baby for watching over your sister and her puppy. Last week was very scary for us with the accident. She rolled the Jeep and we could not find Patton for over a day. That little dog is so smart! You would love her. She came right back to the site of the accident and was waiting for sissy to come back. Luckily she was able to walk away from it with a slight concussion and needed a few stitches. You must had had something to do with that. I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to her also. It was bad enough losing you, but the thought of my 2 big girls being gone was more than I could take. After seeing that she was ok, our concern turned to Patton. Thankfully she was smart enough to go back and that nothing bad happened to her. Sissy would not be able to handle that if it had. It was a scary time.

You always seem to be here when we need you the most. I just hope that you are with me today and give me the patience that I need to deal with some people that I don’t want to deal with.

I love you so very much!

Happy birthday my sweet angel! I can’t believe it’s been 20 years since I first laid eyes on you!
Gram, sissy, Ben and I went to the beach today and had an amazing dinner in honor of your special day. We wish you were here. It would have made the day perfect.
We love you and miss you so very much.

So, as you know, the issues has started again, but that’s ok. As long as I know you are watching over what is going on, that is all that matters. People can do things that they want to try and hurt other people, but the only person that it is hurting is you, or rather, your memory. I created something beautiful that was for everyone to see and because someone has so much guilt in their heart because of what happened to you, they made false statements and had it removed. It really is ok, because I will continue to post it since I own the video and its contents and no one can do anything about the things that I post on this website. I can do or say anything I want to. I can post pictures that I want to because they belong to me. Posession is 9/10ths of the law.

I do think that it’s sad that people will not allow other people who loved you so very much to mourn you and just try to move on with our lives. We are struggling, don’t get me wrong, but we are living each day the way that you would have wanted us to. We wake up in the morning, go through our day and go to bed at night. I know that you would not want for us to be sad or hateful or hurtful, so that is why I have chosen to take the high road. I cannot and will not allow anyone to be a hinderance to me and to the welfare of my children. It is bad enough that I already lost one child because of others neglect…..I refuse to allow them to take me away from your sisters.  That happened once, but will never happen again.

No worries here honey. Everything is going to be ok. Continue to watch over us and let us know that you are with us. Sister, Gram and I are planning a special trip for your birthday this weekend. It’s the trip that you and sissy were going to take when you were going to come out this year. We will be thinking of you and will have you with us always!

We love you very much, and knowing that you are here with us makes everything ok.

That’s how I feel these days. As much as I try to be productive, it’s not working. I am exhausted all the time and can’t seem to snap out of it. We have some tough days coming up and I know that it is going to be hard on all of us. Sissy and I are going to go to the beach for your birthday because that is what you were going to do when you came out here to visit this year. I wish that we could all go together.

Your baby sister was doing something the other day and I looked at her just as she looked up at me and smiled and it was like looking at your beautiful freckle face. She looks so much like you and she does not even know it. She will never have the chance to see how much you too resemble each other. It’s almost scary. At least I know that you both got your looks from me. 🙂

I know that it has been a while since I have written, but I just have not been feeling up to doing much of anything. It does not mean that I do not think of you everyday…every second and every chance I get. Everything that I do is for you and your sisterss.

I love you so much, and sometimes would give anything just to be with you again.

The 2012 Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk will take place in San Francisco, CA June 9-10, 2012. My family and I will be there to walk the 18 miles in honor of our Brittany and her sacrifices that caused her to take her own life.

Anyone that would like to join us, we would be happy to have you. Click Team Brittany’s Legacy to register as a walker. Donations are also welcome and all the proceeds to to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention for research, educational programs and assistance to the ones left behind.

The Out of the Darkness Overnight walk is a walk like no other. It’s an 18 mile journey through the night, from dusk until dawn where a courageous community of men and women will break the silence and bring the issues of depression and suicide into the light. We will walk together to turn heartbreak into hope for tomorrow.

A suicide attempt happens every minute of every day. Every 16 minutes, soneone in the US dies by suicide. These statistics are staggering and yet remain hidden and not discussed.

I wonder sometimes if you can see and feel how much we miss you. I wonder if you know now how much I have always loved you…since the day I found out about you. I wish that I could say these things to your face and not have to write them to you. I want to be able to hug you and hold you and tell you that everything is ok. I want to brush your hair again like when you were little. You are with me on a daily basis.

So many things have been going on, and to be quite honest with you, I wish that I could be there with you. I am so tired of everything that has happened over the past 2 years. Well really, over the past almost year. Losing you was the start of all the ‘bad’ in life.

I love you and I hope that you will never ever doubt that for one second.