I just don’t understand why our young people are choosing to end their lives and leave the rest of us behind to question why. It is so sad to me everytime I read something on Facebook or on the internet or hear something on the news about someone taking their own life. It does not solve any problems and it definitely is a permenent solution to a temporary problem. What could be so very bad in their lives that they decide to end it, and on all days….Christmas. The families of these young people will never be the same. This holiday will never be the same for them. When other people are celebrating a holiday that is supposed to bring  joy, some families will be mourning the loss of their loved one. It just is not fair to anyone that is left behind.

I miss you everyday. I hate thinking about the fact that you are never going to be here again. Never am I going to get to touch you or wrap my arms around you and tell you that everything is going to be ok.

Rest in peace angel…until we meet again. I love you.

Merry Christmas my angel. I wish that things could be different right now and that you were here with me and your sisters and brother to celebrate this holiday, but you are not and that is something that, unfortunately because of the actions of others that I have gotten used to. I hate the fact that I will never again see your beautiful smile or your sweet freckle face. I hate that when I look at your sissy I cannot take her sadness away. I wish that I could have fixed everything for you and you would be here with us right now where you belong.

For some reason, this Christmas is harder than last. I guess it is finally sinking in that you really are gone and that I will not see you pop through the front door to surprise me. I guess that is why I have not wanted to function at all these past few weeks. All I have wanted to do is crawl into my hole and not come out, but what good would that do? I still have your big sister and your baby sisters that need me. I wish that you needed me when you were here….or maybe you did and someone would not allow you to communicate with me. It’s ok. Whatever the reason, it does not matter now. All that matters is that you are at peace and can finally rest and not worry about what one person in particular is going to do or say to you next to make you feel the way you did 16 months ago.

I love you very much. Always have. Rest in peace my sweetheart. You deserve it. You are missed so very much and we would do anything to have you back with us. ∞

Merry Christmas!

Hi baby! It’s Christmas Eve and I am at work but I am thinking about you and how you should be here with your sisters and brother to celebrate the holiday with us. We all miss you so much. I was just talking to someone that I work with about you and how you always seem to know when I need a sign from you. You are always so good about that! I love it when I get those from you. It just seems to make everything better, at least for a short time anyway.

Rest in peace sweetheart. I love you and miss you every second of every day!

once again we had another birthday without you. Your little sister turned 12 last week and we had her birthday party over the weekend. I can’t believe how big they are getting. They get more and more beautiful every day, just like you and Ashley.

I’ve been thinking about you a lot and wishing you were here. I used to love this time of year, but now it just makes me sad. It took everything I had to put all the Christmas stuff up this year. I was just thinking about this time of year last year and how it was still so fresh that you were actually gone. That all seems like a distant memory at times and other times it feels like we are back to last year. People ask how I am and I say that I’m ‘OK’. I tell them that I have my good days and my bad days.

I love you very much. Rest in peace sweetheart.

Thank you for watching over your brother for the last 6 months while he was deployed. He made it home safely yesterday and it was so good to see a genuine smile on your sister’s face. She worked so hard while he was gone and I could not be more proud of the both of them for getting through this. Sometimes life can be difficult, but we all have to help each other get through those rough spots. With everything that happened while Jeff was gone, I cannot believe how strong sissy has been. With the car accident and the puppy going missing, not to mention your birthday and your anniversary during that entire time, it’s no wonder that she is exhausted. And she continues her education. She is quite an amazing young lady, just as I am sure you would have been if you were still here with us.

I think of you on a daily basis. Little things remind me of you. I look for your name everywhere and when I find something with it spelled correctly I buy it. I know that it does not make it any better, or that it’s going to make you come back to us, but I just need to have those little reminders. Your pictures hang on the walls, but what I wouldn’t give to have YOU here instead of the pictures. I will continue to honor you and your name for the rest of my time here on earth.

I love you very much my baby! Rest in Peace sweetheart. I know you finally can.

Another month has come and gone. Soon the year will be over as well. I have found that I am no longer counting the days since you have been gone, nor am I counting the weeks like I used to. I am now counting the months. This makes me sad. I fear that eventually I will be only counting the years. I fear that someone will ask me how long you have been gone and I will actually have to stop and think about it.

It’s funny that some people try to deflect their guilt on other people. Don’t you find that to be strange baby? All I want is for you to have the ability to rest in peace, and for me and your sister to have some peace as well. I just wish that people would leave us alone. It has been almost 16 months since you have been gone and the CRAZY one is still causing issues. Will you please send her a sign and let her know that she is not being the good ‘christian’ that she claims to be.

I love you so very much, and no matter what anyone says, you are MY daughter. I gave birth to you and I will always love and adore you so very much. I miss you everyday.

Rest in peace my sweet angel. I love you.

As I’m lying here in bed trying to muster up the energy to start another dreaded day, I’m curious as to what you are doing right now. I wonder if you have gone for a walk, if you have played with any puppies, if you have seen your great grandparents or made someone smile. (The last one is a given) I wish I knew what you did on a daily basis up there since I didn’t get to know what you did on a daily basis down here. I wonder what you eat for breakfast. I wonder how you fill your time during the day.
I do know that you watch over us, which we are all very grateful for. I cry at night more and more these days. More than when you first left us. I’m sad that you are not around. I’m sad that you cannot see your baby sisters grow up or spend adult time with Ashley. I’m sad that I will never have a chance to tell you everything that happened, and I’m sad that I allowed that horrible person to treat you the way that she did. I’m sorry I could not be there for you. I did not know what was going on, but I wish that you had reached out to my because I would have done everything I could to save you.
Just remember that your mom loves you very much. Since the day I found out about you, the love has always been there.
Rest in peace sweetheart.

It’s so funny that people still cannot realize when they need to stop their BS and just allow others to go on with their lives. Ugly messages on things that are supposed to be in memory of you are completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. I have no room for something like that in my life, and now I understand why you were ready to leave where you were because of the behavior of the people around you. I wish I could have gotten you out of there. If I had, you would still be alive and would be happy again.

I love you sweetheart. Just remember….you can no longer be hurt or attacked by those people.

Rest in peace baby.

and we celebrate another birthday without you. Your baby sister turns 9 today and you are not here to celebrate. You are not here to call her and sing happy birthday to her. GOD she looks so much like you that at times I have to stop myself and remember that she is not Brittany and that she is Tee. I have to remember to NOT call her by your name. It’s scary at times how many of her traits remind me of you. She does things just like you did.

I remember celebrating some birthdays with you. I miss those times. I miss the times that you were here and we were a family. We were such a happy family when we were together.

I love you and miss you so much. Rest in peace sweetheart.