Brittany Rebecca Helton

‘I will reach out my hand into the darkness, trusting that I do not go alone.’

‘I will not try to hide or walk around it. I will walk through the center of my sorrow and I will emerge – proud and strong.’

‘To berate myself or my loved one over what is unfixable only deepens the wounds. In love and trust I can acknowledge who we were and are to each other, and then move on.’

‘Shared stories are a gift to the teller and to the one who hears.’

“To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there’s no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
 

Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.
Remember that I’m with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, “I welcome you.”
 

“It’s good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you’re part of my plan.
There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.”
 

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do,
and foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you… in the middle of the night.
 

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years,
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
 

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o’er.
I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.
 

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too….
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
 

If you can help somebody who’s in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night… “My day was not in vain.”
And now I am contented…. that my life has been worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
 

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you’re walking down the street, and you’ve got me on your mind;
I’m walking in you footsteps only half a step behind.
 

And when it’s time for you to go…. from that body to be free,
remember you’re not going…. you’re coming here to me.
 

Used with permission of Author Ruth Ann Mahaffey ©Copyright 1998-2001.

I was supposed to go to the Overnight Walk in San Francisco this last weekend, but I just could not get myself together to go. I had a horrible migraine, the worst I have ever had and I am sure it is because of all the stress and drama that has been going on. When are people going to learn that neither one of you were their children. You both are my children. When are people going to realize that they have absolutely no clue what your sister is going through because they could not be bothered enough to ask if she was ok. Instead they felt it was best to bully and demean and betray her and treat her like she was no better than garbage. When are they going to realize that she wants absolutely nothing to do with them. Not just because of what happened when you left, but because of their behavior prior to you dying. It was a blessing in disguise for me to have your sister go there and live in that insane house for the time that she did because she finally was able to see that what I was saying was not lies but actually the truth.

I have found that I have been thinking about you quite a bit more now that I have before. Don’t get me wrong…I think of you constantly. I just cannot believe that you have been gone for almost 2 years. Gone with you are my hopes of being able to talk to you again. Being about to have a relationship with you and to tell you how very much I have always loved you. How much I want you in our lives….mine and your sisters. You are missing out on so much. Sheridan is now going into 7th grade and is growing like crazy. She is absolutely gorgeous (like all my girls) and is so excited because like you, she is going to be a cheerleader next year. And Tristann…don’t get me started on her. She is this incredible, amazing, stunning little girl that has a personality like nobody’s business. She makes me laugh and when she smiles she has this dimple right under her eye. It reminds me of the scar you had on your face when you hit the coffee table when sissy pushed you off the couch. I think that Tee resembles you the most. She is so funny and so loving and caring. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks but is kind with her words when she speaks to others. Her feelings get hurt so easily, but will never hurt anyone else’s feelings. And then there is Sissy….she has become a foster mama to a very sweet little black kitten. She is an awesome person and I am so glad that she is part of my life. I love all of you so very much.

Rest in peace my sweet angel. Until we meet again.

If you have a chance, please read this article about Veterans and suicide. We need to reach out to them and help them.

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2010/04/military_veterans_suicide_042210w/

Here is another one that was written here in Vegas:

http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2012/feb/24/veterans-suicide-rate-reflects-echoes-war/

I’m not sure what is going on, but there some strange things have been happening over the past few days. From friends requests to messages to blogs on websites about your sister. Is it now finally that time when people are realizing that perhaps they were wrong in treating Ashley the way that they did and perhaps they are seeking forgiveness and absolution for their wrong doings? Is it that time when the guilt has finally sunk in and people are starting to realize that Ashley did not do anything wrong and that she was treated poorly by people who claim to have loved her. Well, in our family, if you love someone, you do not treat them like they were no better than garbage. You do not send horrible text messages and call people the nastiest names you can think of. You do not tell lies about the person that you claim to love in order to make yourself look better to other people. In our family, we tell each other that we love the other person. We talk about things that are bothering us and we try to work through things that have happened. We forgive, but we never forget what has happened.

It has always been said that weddings and funerals bring out either the worst of the best in people. In this case, it did not only bring out the worst, it brought out the devil in some individuals that were involved in your life, and now they expect forgiveness. They expect everything to be forgotten and to be a part of the person’s life that they hurt more than anything. They expect a person to pretend like it never happened and to go back to the way that it was before you died and before they started acting like complete assholes. Well, I am glad to say that THAT is not going to happen. We are not children and we do not look at things through rose colored glasses. Perhaps the actions of certain people should have been thought out BEFORE they happened, and there would be no reason to ask for forgiveness. Perhaps they should have thought about how much they claimed to have loved someone and treated that person with the respect they deserved and there would be no reason to apologize.

I know that you are seeing (and have seen) everything that is going on here. I hope that you are not stressing over what has been happening and that you are resting peacefully.

I think of you every minute of every day. Little things remind me of you. Little thoughts pop into my head and that make me miss you. I have and always will love you with all my heart.

Rest in peace angel….until we meet again.

Love~

Mom

“Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.”

-William James

‘Could this recurring image of my search for you support a faith that I may one day find you?’