Brittany Rebecca Helton

Last night Scream asked me (after being VERY hesitant and almost afraid to ask) why when I reference something, it always starts with the phrase ‘Before Brittany died’ or ‘After Brittany died’.  My answer to him was that because he was not in my life at the time that you passed, it was just easier for me to use your passing as a baseline for events that have occurred in my life. But, I have found that I do not only do it with him, but with everyone that I speak with. I feel like the day you died, I died also and was born again as a different person. I have found that I am handling situations and people differently than I used to. I no longer dwell on the bad and the negative, but instead I remove THAT from my world and try to only focus on the good and the positive.

Yes, losing you was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I never would ever wish that on anyone…not even the people that I dislike most in the world, but, losing you also made me a ‘better’ person if that makes any sense at all. You have made me want to make the world a slightly better place. I want to try and help and prevent others from going through what you were going through and other families from going through what we as a family as gone through.

Life is not always easy….I can definitely relate to that more than most, but there is help out there. I wish you had reached out for help. I wish you knew that you could have turned to me or to Gram or to sister or ANYone to get the help you needed. I wish I had fought harder for you to get you out of that miserable house and away from those miserable people. All I can do is thank GOD that your sister got out when she did. Losing you was so hard, I would not be able to imagine losing any of your sisters as well.

I love you my angel. I hope that you are resting peacefully and that you know that you can never be hurt again. You will always be young and always be beautiful…but most importantly…you will always be SAFE from harm.